Sweet Surrender

The end of an era

2011-06-17T09:20:00.000-07:00

I'm saying goodbye to Sweet Surrender. In so many ways I've changed as a person and now that I have a family of my own that's where my focus needs to be.

I'll continue to blog when I can but it'll be here where I've created something based on my family and not just myself. The days of just "Hollie" are long gone, I'm part of a little group of my own now. :)

It's been fun and who knows maybe you'll catch me ranting here again one day. Until then check up on us at Love of a Lifetime if you're interested.

Later skater,
Hollie

Pocket Perfect Calendar

2011-02-15T08:59:00.000-08:00

I've been struggling with being an organized house wife. Either I get home from work and can't possibly dream up what to have for dinner so we end up with take out, or when the weekend gets here I realize I haven't vacuumed the carpet all week. My poor house feels neglected, not to mention my husband's stomach. He does the majority of the cooking, he is so awesome at it and I think he thoroughly enjoys it. That doesn't mean that I want him to be the only cook in the house, I need to step up and take charge.

So here's where this idea came in. I wanted to create a calendar small enough for the fridge that could hold our meals for the week as well as chores that need to be done on a weekly basis. I spent an afternoon (at work) typing up our favorite meals, must be done chores, as well as each month and numbers.

Here is the outcome:

Things you'll need:

Cardboard (backing)

Scrapbook paper

Card Stock

A computer/ printer

Mod Podge

Paper clips

Foam brush

Your imagination ;)

Magnets

Glue Gun

Needle & Thread

Tape

I typed up several meals that Jon and I love to have as well as a few cute things like: Kiss your husband/wife, Dinner out!, and Do something sweet!....I also typed up various chores we have around the house as well as a few extras: ...Organize something, Pick weeds (spring/summer based of course), etc. At the beginning of each week I will choose what meals we'll have and what chores need to be done and place them in the appropriate day's pocket. That way I know what meals we're having when I get home from work, I can make sure ahead of time that we have what we need in order to make this meal, and the house will keep clean! I also thought of the idea to have Jon and I take turns picking what's out of the pocket..that way I'm not always the one cooking (more like neither is he HaHa) and I'm not always the one doing chores.

I'm really excited about this.

Wishing for Something More

2010-12-28T12:15:00.000-08:00

I'm just not feeling it today. I feel so sad inside.

I am grateful for my life, but I want more out of it.

Monogramming it up

2010-12-08T10:04:00.000-08:00

Lately I've had a monogram fetish; I don't know what it is, but I'm not apologizing. Last summer up at Swiss Days in Midway there was a booth designated for just that with cute initials that had super cute vintage designs on them. Last weekend I painted a distressed 'B', but I've already got plans to come up with a better 'B'. (B for Bingham, yay!) So on Monday evening I was messing around with a sweet 'H' that I got at Joann's; my intentions were just to paint it an espresso brown but then I came up with another idea.
Take a look:

What do you think? Obivously the idea isn't for everyone, but I'd love some feedback. Do you think anyone would like one for Christmas?

Hit me up yo.

Love,
Hollie

Thanks to G.D.N. (Girl's Date Night)

2010-11-04T23:05:00.000-07:00

I wanted to thank the girls who have been spending G.D.N with me! I've had so much fun getting to know all of you, there's never a dull moment. It's really great having a group of people that you can count on and especially ones you really enjoy spending time with.

So far we've enjoyed:

To come...December 3rd! I can't wait!

Let's keep this going! I really enjoy it. :)

Love,

Hollie

Hypocrisy and me

2010-10-21T09:53:00.000-07:00

Jon brought to my attention last weekend that my having a blog is hypocritical of me when I talk about the uselessness of Myspace, Facebook, or Twitter. I understand the similarity between sharing my thoughts and some photographs on Blogspot and those of you who chose to do so on a social network. I ~~understand~~ the similiarity but my opinion is totally different. I don't have 500 friends on here and I'm not checking status updates every two hours. I use my blog as a channel for my energy and thoughts, that's about it. I am grateful for it because I have my own personal journal that won't ever be erased; I'm just not much for handwriting anymore. I wouldn't fret if I lost my three readers (Sarah, Tasi, & Krysten.. I love you) because in a lot of ways this is for me. I go back and read my posts a lot, it's just as theraputic as when I write them.
I have several family members and friends who are attached to a networking account and I don't think any less of them. My opinion of the situation is just that, an opinion. I'm not trying to force anyone else to agree with me or to see my way.
This post is to extend an apology to anyone I may have offended by my previous post. Don't be upset by my opinion. I don't care if somebody finds my having a blog and hating Facebook hypocritical, neither should you.

Love,
me

The Pollution of Privacy

2010-10-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

I realize that 90% of our population is now involved, so please don't take this as a personal attack. I read something last week that hit a nerve. Although related in a minor way it got me thinking about our society and what we have become.

I'm driving down the street and while passing the Moore's Family BBQ & Seafood Restaurant I notice their billboard says "Visit us on Facebook".
I'm settling in to watch an episode of Sons of Anarchy when a Macy's ad appears and at the end of it they tell me to visit them on Facebook and Twitter.
My father-in-law's wife runs into me at Wal-Mart and informs me of the family Halloween party coming up; she then tells me I would have known sooner if only I had a Facebook account, then she could have sent me an invite.

I've made it abundantly clear what these three topics have in common. It seems like within the past year, maybe two (I could be mistaken) we have been bombarded publicly with "status updates", "tweets", and the little thumbs up icons asking us if we "like this".

I'm gonna go ahead & dislike this.

It amazes me how quickly we've adapted to social networking; not only are adults spending their lives on the site, now companies are creating profiles and using it as a marketing tool. Look how quickly we began depending on something that was created by a 20 year old college freshman. Are we that senseless and insecure?

Facebook may be free, but I promise you everything comes with a price. Which is where I begin the second topic of this post.

Last week while I was reading the news I came across a story about a young, college going man on the east coast. This man was openly homosexual and had asked his roommate to give him some privacy while he spent time with his partner. He was unaware that his roommate had set up a web cam and was going to broadcast whatever relation the two males were going to engage in. He (being our roommate) then turned to our lovely convenient social networks and broad casted what he was doing and told everyone where they could watch. This happened not once, but twice. Due to technology and our society's sick idea of "acceptance" this young man jumped off the George Washington Bridge on September 23rd and ended his life. I am not positive, but 85% sure that throughout his short life he had to of encountered several acts of ridicule and torment, this act did not stand alone in forcing his suicide but it's probably what pushed him over the edge.

It angers me that this technology has created a disadvantage for many of us. As a society we have lost all sense of privacy and most importantly our younger generations have not learned how to warrant the privacy of others because they have been taught that it is normal to know what your colleagues are doing every minute of the day. That is not normal. In Entertainment Weekly it was written, "How on earth did we stalk our exes, remember our co-workers' birthdays, bug our friends, and play a rousing game of Scrabulous before Facebook?" Has it really come to this? We have caved to the desire to intrude and even worse we allow intrusion. I graduated high school in 2004, Facebook was created that very year; somehow I was able to maintain a healthy adolescence without the convenience of the Internet. We communicated. I didn't even have a cell phone until I was 17 (only because my mother insisted since I started driving), now my 12 year old nephew has one nestled in his pocket. I fear for the future because of what we have already lost.

Save some face, you've only got one. And ask yourself this, how important is your privacy to you? Better yet, how important is it when it comes to the ones you care about the most. For the family of the unfortunate young man who took his life, I'm sure they are feeling how very important their son's privacy should have been right now.

With a bonny, bonny bone that I'll burry for me own...

2010-09-01T13:54:00.000-07:00

...in my bonny, bonny bank in the backyard.

So...let me do my very best to explain; this one is going to be hard to put into words. A few weekends ago I was playing games with my siblings and their spouses while the kids watched a movie. The movie they chose was, suprise, Lady and the Tramp. I had not seen this movie since I was somewhere between 0 and 10; I was pleasantly suprised by the thoughts that were present in me as a result of seeing it again. It was taxing to take my eyes away from the television to continue kicking ass in the game, but I was settled once I asked Melanie (my sister) if I could borrow it and she said yes.
Because I had been so young the last time I saw old Jock burrying bones in his backyard upon seeing it again my memory only had one place to take me...my childhood. Memories of my childhood rushed my mind with a vengeance. I can't possibly relive those experiences with you, but what I can tell you is how incredible my young life was. Before I was somewhat grown and had the ability to mess up the innocence my parents had bestowed on me, I was just a little girl who depended on her family. The home my mother and father so delicately crafted for their children won't ever come close to being forgotten. I know that I haven't thanked them enough for the things they have given me. Holidays were always a big deal (and so special),...accomplishments or interests never went unnoticed, numerous vacations together, love surrounded us daily; I can't think of one moment where I didn't feel protected or safe in their presence. I never wanted for anything, a goal I'm positive wasn't easy to reach. In my eyes mom and dad appeared to do this effortlessly. Nothing is ever perfection; I'm not trying to paint an unrealistic picture but who are we kidding, compared to wonderful the tough times are much easier to erase.

It isn't everyday that something so perfectly triggers moments in your life that made you extremely happy. It's not that it had so much to do with Lady and the Tramp, but that was my trigger. I watched it last night and thoroughly enjoyed it, Jim dear. ;) One day I will own a bloodhound just like Trusty and so help me I will name him Old Reliable. I would love to know where my avid love for animals (dogs especially) came from. It was very theraputic and emotional for me to go through the experience of seeing a childhood favorite Disney of mine. If you are aware of something that can trigger a happy time in your life for you, go for it. If you've yet to find that trigger I hope you do someday soon.
It got me thinking about the children I may have someday and how I want their lives to be. There is nothing I want more than to grant my children the life I was so successfully given. I hope that I can be present the way my mother was and even the loving provider my father was. I am so grateful to learn from two amazing examples. In a way this is a tribute to you, mom and dad, for everything you blessed me with. I love you more than you will ever ever imagine. I could not have picked better parents than the ones God chose me for. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have such a tight grasp on family and nothing will ever loosen that grip.
Jon has given me the enlightenment of a new family, one I created and I am forever indebted to him as well. We are just two peas in a pod, exactly; our life is not on a leash. Look there’s a great big hunk of world down there with no fence around it where two dogs can find adventure and excitement, and beyond those distant hills who knows what wonderful experiences. And it’s all ours for the taking, Pige. It’s all ours. I couldn't have said it better myself. Jon and I are our very own version of a Lady and a Tramp. (no pun intended Jonny)

I can't express something I hold so dear, but for your sake I hope that you, darling, can at least relate to whatever I was able to describe.

Love,
Hollie Katina

Love of a Lifetime

2010-08-13T11:46:00.000-07:00

Check out our new blog!

http://www.jonandholl.blogspot.com/

I will be keeping both updated so keep following Sweet Surrender too!

Thank you.

Love,
Hollie

I am human and I am wasteful.

2010-07-30T08:22:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt like you are missing something? Was there something you should have done, something you should have said, should you have held onto a moment for longer than you did? This feeling has come over me several times and it’s a hard one to shake. Its like from your earliest memory to where you are now the events in my life surround me and run past me in panoramic view. I can see being a little girl-holding my Daddy's hand while he takes me trick-or-treating, to my teenage quirks and mistakes (or lessons) that have lead me to where I am now. To pivotal moments with my loved ones, moments I’ve lived and would re-live a thousand times over if I could. It’s an overwhelming thought to think about how quickly your life slips through your fingers. Moments come and then they are taken away. Something shattering and life altering could happen to me tomorrow and what would I remember? Would I have done everything in my power to make the days I’ve lived worth while? My mother recently shared with me that a dear friend of hers has been given his last six weeks to live; like I said a few sentences above I’ve felt these emotions towards my life before but when she told me that something clicked. If I were told I had six weeks to live I would ____________ (fill in the blank). Flip out and completely lose myself? That’s the first thing that comes to my mind. Instinct. I can’t tell you what I’d do. You could say I’m grateful-when my life experiences envelope my mind I see beauty. But this is the unanswered question I ask, have I seen? Did I revel in what I was created for, my purpose? It feels almost like time has rushed by and I haven’t had the chance to see. Let me go back and pick up the things I left behind that I should have kept hidden in the box that I call my very own. What moment placed itself right before my very eyes that I completely missed? I want to know. I am human and I am wasteful. I’m always pushing for tomorrow, but what about today? I ask myself all these questions but I have yet to find an answer. I cannot be told, I can only find them. I have seen beauty-golden fields of grain, friendship, green mountaintops so high, never ending rivers going to places they only know about, a child being born, a family so close, the sun shining in my wondrous eyes, the warmth of it on my skin, love, and loss. I fear that I will forget. This nervous thought that I’ve missed something important is triggered in me at the most random of times. I wish I knew, so I could change tomorrow. What am I missing?

Summer 2010 Update

2010-07-20T09:52:00.001-07:00

Summer is whizzing by! I can't believe we are nearing the end of July. Jon and I have been enjoying our summer and keeping busy. It has been the best possible year, I couldn't ask for anything greater from our relationship right now. We had a blast on our week getaway to Bear Lake and Jackson Hole over the 4th and after. Now we are taking a break and spending time working around the house. Last weekend we refinished our deck and it looks awesome! I planted some herbs and flowers that look so cute around our house. One day I'll have a big enough yard for a huge garden! We are counting down the days until our Lake Powell trip in September and really just couldn't be happier.

Spending time with eachother, our family, and loved ones is the ultimate best. Happy summer!

Independence!

2010-07-02T14:54:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone enjoys their holiday weekend with family and friends; have a safe and memorable time!

Happy Fourth of July!

My 1st business trip in HELL

2010-06-24T11:29:00.000-07:00

You think I'm kidding, but I literally went to hell.
Monday I embarked on a business trip for Delta Faucet Company to Carmel, Indiana. Everything was going well until we were nearly a few minutes from landing at the Indianapolis airport; the pilot got on and said "We have been informed they closed the airport for landing due to thunder storms at this time, we have enough fuel to circle the aiport for 45-50 minutes until we get further notice." My heart sank, it had already been a 2 1/2 hour flight and I was exhausted. It was already a late flight, I was supposed to arrive in Indy at 11:56p.m. So we of course circled the airport for about 45 minutes and then the pilot got on again and said, "We are still unable to land at the airport, we are making our way down to Louisville, Kentucky to get some fuel." At that point it was 1:00am, we landed in Kentucky and they wouldn't let us off the plane. There was a coughing child behind me as well as a little girl and her Grandma who wouldn't stop singing the ABC's and loud. Not only was I claustrophobic but I had had it by now. Half an hour later we got the news from the pilot that we were okay to land in Indy so we took off from Kentucky and landed around 2:00am. There was a driver holding a card with my name on it there to take me to the hotel which was...an hour away. I didn't crawl into the hotel bed until 3:30 in the morning; I had to be up for training at 8:30. I spent six hours in training the next day (listening to someone lecture for hours on end is never entertaining), was fed a mediocre lunch and that was it. By the time we arrived at the restaurant for dinner I was starving but also extremely nauseated, I figured the nausea was only food deprivation so I choked down my fetticini which was a ...mistake. I got back to the hotel room and threw up within maybe a half hour. I needn't go into detail but I spent the night on the bathroom floor-I had nothing left in my body; and another sleepless night to boot. I was sure I had to of gotten food poisoning, but after what happened next I think it was the stomach flu. I had to be up at 6am for training, I could barely stand to get ready. I kept having to do one thing at a time and then go lay back down, I was so weak and still so nauseated. After walking outside in the 94% humidity I didn't know how I was going to make it through the day. My glasses actually fogged up, that's how humid it was. Another five hours in training and of course not long after arriving the worst fever in the world came on. My body ached like it never had before, I thought I was going to shatter! Having no meds, I had to suffer through the fever aches and pains the entire time. I left for the airport at 1:00, I go up to check in and get my tickets, and the lady says, "Your flight is delayed due to tornado warnings and at this point it looks like you are going to miss your connection. Your connection is the last flight out of Milwaukee this evening so you might not have a flight until Thursday morning." Body aching, emotions rising, I felt so defeated at that point. If it wasn't one thing after another on this trip! It seems as though everything went wrong. I just said, "ok." turned, walked away and the tears started flowing. Security even confiscated the can of Pepsi I had stowed away in my purse for my upset stomach! Bastards! My options were A: to get on the delayed flight and hope that I could make my connection in the ten minutes they had allotted, or B: to get on the delayed flight, miss my connection and spend the night at the airport in Milwaukee. Get this I was the last person on the connecting flight from Milwaukee to Denver. That's how close it was, I got off the plane and ran to the gate. I felt like Kevin on Home Alone. The flight to Denver wasn't bad, I was able to get some rest and read my book. I was still nauseated so I asked for some sprite to ease my stomach. I arrived in Denver and had a two hour layover, I found a corner and layed on the floor. After the longest 72 hours of my life I arrived in SLC at 10:30p.m...proceeded to get on the wrong shuttle that was going to the wrong parking lot and wasted another twenty minutes of my life on this trip. Finally I got on the right shuttle, got to my car and got home to Jon & my puppies at midnight.

After everything I went through, I came home to this waiting for me:

On the counter was what Jon called my gift of relaxation (hallelujah!). Sweet smelling body soap, the softest loufa known to man, cucumber melon & green tea dove soap, stress & tension relief bath crystals (I had plenty of both!), juicy grape smelling body fizzer ball, & last but not least my favorite flavor of Grandma Sycamore's cookies-fudge chocolate chip. mmmm! To be enjoyed all at once would be dangerous! I carefully picked the coconut scrub, the bath crystals, and the softest loufa known to man. I've never had a better bath at 1 o' clock in the morning. I had to be at work this morning so it wasn't a long lived bath-but those crystals will last me awhile. He also left me this card, the inside caption read "...and still have my heart." He wrote the sweetest message inside and it left me feeling greatly missed and appreciated. Not only did I get all of this but the house was clean as well! Before I even left I was homesick, I missed my family and my home more than words while I was away. It felt like weeks, not only 2 1/2 days. Coming home to our beautiful Utah set a peace within my heart. Thank the Lord for the dry climate & our less than busy lifestyle. I could honestly feel the purity our state portrays in an instant. I am so grateful for everyone I have that I left behind these past few days. It's great having my family nearby and so close at heart.

The only positives from going away were working 47 hours in four days, losing five pounds (hooray for stomach flu!), and the glorious views from the planes (once I caught them). The first photo is of Lake Michigan, it was huge! There is nothing quite like soaring through a blanket of clouds, it's odd looking down on clouds and up at nothing but blue sky. The sun shining through the plane window put me to sleep.

Luckily I have tomorrow off, so I'm planning on spending the weekend catching up on some rest, slowly introducing food to my body again, in the yard, and with my family. Bliss.

80 hours and six flights later, I have returned from hell; it feels so great to be back.

Three years & counting...

2010-06-18T22:03:00.000-07:00

Well J and I hit our three year anniversary mark, does that mean we aren't newlyweds anymore? I can honestly say that would make me happy-to me it would mean we made it over the biggest humps in any couple's experience. We have been through so much but it makes our time now so much sweeter. Nothing of true greatness is ever easy...that's what I keep telling myself! ;)

I have such an amazing husband; he is unique to me and to our relationship-that's all that really matters right? I suprised him with a night away the weekend following our actual anniversary ( June 8th ) up to Park City. We enjoyed the drive up, it is always beautiful-we were able to talk and listen to good music, we shopped around at some outlets and had a great dinner at The Red Rock Brewing Co. (try it!) We had a wonderful room at the luxurious Holiday Inn Express (splurging on a budget doesn't exist!) but the room was actually perfect, a jacuzzi suite! We enjoyed sleeping in Saturday morning and making open plans for the rest of our day. We ended up driving into SLC to the Gateway where we had lunch, continued to shop (sO lucky my husband enjoys shopping with me, he always has!) & saw The A-Team. I couldn't have asked for a better time. This anniversary was more special than the rest. I am truly hoping that by the time our next one rolls around that we will either be expecting or have a little one here already! My plan is to have one here already, but nothing ever goes the way it's supposed to so I'm leaving it in the Lord's hands and trying my anxious best to live with that. Needless to say, we had to get out of dodge for a minute to celebrate the last opportunity we may have with just the two of us.

Jon,
Thank you for all you have given me the last seven years of our fulfilling relationship. I am sorry for all the grief I have caused you in the past, but I hope you see that it was worth it to stick through to the end. We will have trials in our future, but I am forever confident that we can get through anything. I have the will to spend the rest of my life with you and I can only dream that you feel the same. (I have a pretty good idea!) I love the way we are together, to name a few-african dances in our kitchen, the endless variety of oddball nicknames we give our dogs and loved ones, & for the nights we set out to get to bed early but spend an hour or more talking and laughing about nothing in particular. I am so comfortable with you and I can't imagine being able to be me with anyone else. For that I am forever indebted to you. I won't get in to much of it because that is private and something that I only want you and I to share as a couple...but in a way this is a tribute to you. To my two readers...I am not afraid to express my love and devotion to my wonderful husband! That good enough for you, babe? ;)

To the last seven and the next 80 more, may we always have what we've gained up until this point.

All my love & forever yours,
Smabs

Meet our little Tula!

2010-05-27T14:26:00.000-07:00

About a month ago Jon and I saw a puppy on KSL and acted spontaneously! Within an hour of seeing her online we had her in our arms. Tula would be child #3 for us and what a handful. She has been so much fun and we couldn't have picked a better time, we are getting new carpet in a couple of weeks! haha. At first Attika was reluctant, we'd notice her scuzzing us out of the corner of her eye-man that dog can sneer! But I've noticed the past few weeks that she is playful with Tula and that makes me happy. We took them both to the vet, Tu to get her second set of puppy shots & Atti to get caught up on parvo & rabies. The vet talked me into getting Atti spayed even though a surgery scares the hell out of me-he said it would be beneficial to her in the long run and that's all I can really hope for. Anyone who knows me knows that she means enormous amounts to me. I couldn't live without her, it's funny how pets can become the best of friends. He also said that getting a new dog was a good move-that having a puppy around would breathe new life into Ms. Atti, which I've noticed, and that made me happy too. She is only six years old and the vet said over and over that she isn't old but I couldn't help but get a little teary eyed in the veterinarian office just talking about her getting older. He also broke the news that she's 3lbs overweight-so she's currently on a diet and we're taking nightly walks around the neighborhood. I've just noticed that this post is supposed to be introducing Tula and I'm talking all about Atti!
We really do love the puppy, she is so funny already and I've seen quite the personality sprout from her thusfar. She is the perfect combination-she is playful and fun but she also is the greatest cuddler. I would reccommend a dacshund to anyone that was asking, they are a marvelous breed.

p.s. Wish us luck with the operation-we'll get both of them spayed eventually.

Denicio Del Toro

2010-05-25T14:08:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've ever expressed how much I appreciate and love Denice (my mother-in-law). It seems like from day one we made a connection and have been close ever since. She means the world to me and I cherish our conversations the most. I lucked out in the m-in-law department because I consider her a great and close friend. There are times when I just truly miss her and need to go for a visit. (I bet she gets sick of me!) She has such a wonderful sense of humor and I love how open she can be with her children, she isn't afraid to say it and I freaking love that about her. There are some nights Jon and I go over there and we laugh for literally 3 hours long. We've shared a lot throughout the years with one another and I feel even closer to her now that I'm becoming more mature. Her Father passed away last October and I feel his passing has caused her to be spiritual and deep on different levels than she was before. I know she misses him but there isn't a single doubt in my mind that he isn't watching over her with a smile on his face. He raised one incredible daughter. It's a new side to her that I have really enjoyed exploring. The love she has for her children I find in Jon, and that is comforting. I hope to one day mimic some of her techniques when I have children of my own. I'm proud to be called her daughter in law and I'm not looking forward to sharing her with Ryan's one day wife either! (I'll always be her first child by marriage, so nobody can take that from me)I love her so much, I only hope she feels the same!

p.s. She's the babe in the middle. She is so gorgeous and has aged like a butterfly releasing from its cocoon! (inside joke, lol)

Transisting Life

2010-05-20T21:17:00.000-07:00

Days go by and with each passing year we become older and more shriveled.

LIVE HAPPILY

Namaste "Let There Be"

2010-05-19T14:33:00.000-07:00

Last Monday was my second time doing Bikram (hot yoga) and I think this might be something I'm going to keep up once a week. I've been focusing so much on cardio the past three months-obtaining speed and trying to shed pounds, that a little bit of muscle meditation is necessary. I was always the type of person who was offish towards Yoga, I didn't get it-it never felt like it was something that would do anything to your body. Wow, was I mistaken; I woke up Tuesday morning with an aching sore body! My sister in law introduced me to a neat little place five minutes from my home and the great thing is, it's free! If you don't believe me, check out their website http://www.yogajos.com/. Come support them, it's worth it. In this week's class the instructor asked us to wrap our arms around our body & repeat after her "i love my body." It felt peculiar to me at the time-but it felt good. This coming from a girl who feels like she'll never be perfect-I don't know that I'll ever truly love my body, but I am grateful for its wellness and I should show that appreciation somehow. The two times I've gone have been such a great release-you lose so much water weight (95 degree room temp) and it feels like a release of negative and stressful energy. I've been stressed lately with a troubled mind, so it felt great getting a few of it off my chest through fitness. I'd love to obtain the body of Miranda Kerr or anybody else drop dead gorgeous-but I need to sink down to reality and face the facts. I'll never be a super model OR flawless; but I can be me!

LOVE YOUR BODY.

"The Divine in me recognizes the Divine in you and acknowledges we are the same."

p.s. The constant cardio will continue-and that also feels good at the end of a bad day. Run it off. :)

Couples Retreat

2010-05-17T14:41:00.000-07:00

On Friday last minute we decided to go up to Bear Lake with our friends Megan and Austin. We had such a great time. The weather could have been maybe 10-15 degrees warmer and it would have been perfect. Megs and I went golfing with our boys for the first time and they sucked ass-apparently we were bad luck and won't be allowed to go with them again. haha. We got them hooked on tennis and we will be playing a lot more this summer. (They have a court in their backyard, go figure!) Jon made a bunch of amazing food-we watched movies, got in the hot tub, shared stories, and swapped gossip. I love Logan Canyon it is my favorite canyon if someone were to ask. It was weird seeing how undeveloped nature is at this point because of the shitty weather we've been having. No leaves on the trees up there! But I'd call the trip a success and we plan on going again soon.

It was super relaxing. :)

I'm feeling.. out of favor...detested..just blah

2010-05-10T09:45:00.000-07:00

I doubt this post will make much sense but I need to get this negative energy out of me somehow. Have you ever felt meaningless in a world full of meaningful people? In our generation we have all this nonsense that began with Myspace and now it's Facebook, Facebook, Facebook. I used to be a part of that society and I'm quite glad to be away from it now. If it were just a means for communicating with acquaintances from your past then I might feel differently about it but it seems like it's a front for everybody. Everyone putting their best foot forward-posting their "best" pictures, showcasing their "best" moments in time. A bunch of posers, I guess it sort of bothers me that people out there feel the need to share all of these moments with people they wouldn't talk to or care about if it weren't for these networks that make it so easy. It's sort of ridiculous how much time people spend on there and especially the variation of age levels-shouldn't your life count for much more than Facebook status, who wrote on your wall, or what picture you have posted on your profile? When I'm 40 something with children I know that I'm going to invest my time in them and not a website. But it's almost like a double edged sword with me-I also hate that because I choose not to share parts of me with the world that I feel less significant or that I'm probably not searched for or missed. I'm just having a downer moment, it'll pass. Life is strange and it's hard to steer away from routine. I always want so much out of life and to share as much as I can of my REAL life, it's why I contribute the way I do on here. But sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough. Is it really that important to be seen? I guess that's where I draw a fine line. I am happy within my life, I have everything I want and need. I feel loved and important to my family and that should be sufficient, but sometimes it's just not. Help.

Models for a Day

2010-04-21T12:55:00.000-07:00

The weather has been so nice and I knew that Tuesday would be our last day of it this week (thanks horrid rain) so I wanted to get out. I drug my sister in law out with me to take some pictures. We found a few spots mostly out west; a couple of old rickety barns and a deserted road in Willard. Sarah and I had such a fun time last night, at first we were a little uncomfortable in our own skin but then we loosened up. I am embaressed to have my picture taken next to this girl, she is so beautiful. What I wouldn't do for her gorgeous purity. We have spent a lot of time together lately and I'm thrilled to say we have accomplished an even closer relationship in just the past few weeks. I love her so much. :)

Her blue eyes make my blue eyes look green!
We can't all have long golden locks of hair Sarah...
We had to fight for this carousel, don't judge us.
We can't all be models (well Sarah can) but we can always try. It killed some time. lol.

His words couldn't have been truer...

2010-04-15T10:06:00.000-07:00

To be nobody but yourself -- in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else -- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

e e cummings

Summer days, summer nights

2010-04-12T10:49:00.000-07:00

Your light bleeds through my windows

Like fingers, your light crawling across my floor

the perfect spot for Atti to snore

I'm warm when you're around me

I'm cold when I'm without

The clouds, they try to hide you

but behind them you tend to shout
My face uplifted

with cheeks sunkissed

If you were to go away forever

From me you would be truly missed
Underneath you I turn to bronze

underneath you, green becomes my lawn

Flowers, Bees, Butterflies, & the leaves on our trees

How I wish you'd present yourself-

Screw grey and the cold, where's my vitamin D?

Memories I keep

at your best with this radiance on me

When I'm fast asleep

I dream of the days I've seen.

I do not know what it is about you that closes and opens

Only something in me understands

The voice of your light is deeper than all roses.

Reflection.

2010-03-17T10:40:00.000-07:00

We are all just rats in a maze. Released into this world without direction-knowing only one thing-inevitably we must reach our end. Some of us terror and stay in one spot, others rush past searching for this other side but they get lost, and then there's the rest...the rest of us who take our time, we over-think and carefully chart our next move. Each rat will reach their end in one way or another. Those that cower will die without experience-they will have never seen what beauty could lie around the next corner, the lost rat will suffer the anxiety of knowing they set out with high expectations but remain lost dying in a dead end somewhere, and the rest of us; though we might reach the finish, would we have had time to notice what we were passing by? Or would we have been too consumed in thought with only that one purpose in mind-how do I get there and which way is the right way? I wonder…does the right way even matter? For all of us the outcome is the same, we are going to die; it’s our test, but it’s our decision to figure what we will experience until we do.

Mice are much cuter than rats, I’m a girly girl, I don’t want a thick long tail-or greasy black fur. I’d rather be one of those cute little mice with brown fur & little beady eyes. So pretend for a second that you’re this mouse. In your world you search for food & you collect things for your nest. You’ll scamper through the streets picking up garbage left behind, bits of thread, twigs; you’ll need something soft like a piece of fabric torn off of a jacket or a dirty, solitary sock for comfort. You will separately carry all of these things back to your hole and make what you can of it. You will mate, reproduce, then your children will grow and scurry away & you will remain in your hole with your collections, surviving on whatever food you can find. Once the mouse grows old and dies, soon the collections you’ve kept your entire life will be carried away by the wind and none other than your family will ever know what those things meant to you or how hard you worked to gain them.

If you think about it we are not that much different from the mouse. We build a life for ourselves by working so we can own things, different from the mouse; we buy what we collect. The things we own (or are working to own) surround our families-but when we’re gone things we cherished will be divided amongst our close relatives or in figurative words become dust and fly away with the wind.

It’s awfully depressing but I can’t help but consider what the point is. I love my home and I have an entire closet full of things I’ve collected throughout my life that typically only have meaning to me, clutter really. The things and the people that are important to me I will continue to collect and keep. Back to the rats in a maze, you’ve got to see it really doesn’t matter what you do with your life. Whatever race you are, religion you follow, your marital status, hobbies you have, talents you possess, mistakes you make, whether you’re rich & famous, gorgeous or not- it does not matter because the outcome for all of us is the same. You can’t dwell on what you don’t have; it’s just a waste of your time. The only thing that will change is this experience until you draw to a close. We’ve all been given a chance to live, so live- exist! If you’re scared to live you’ll never see the beauty of it all, if you drown yourself in high expectations you’ll die unhappy in a dead end, and if you spend too much time practicing perfect & over thinking your decisions you’ll miss out on what really matters.

If I were dropped in a maze, I’d walk slow seeing everything around me, and take it all in.

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

2010-03-16T10:25:00.000-07:00

My blogs are always deep and too thought full so it's time I talked about a light and airy topic. Here I go...to laugh; laughter:
1. make sounds expressing amusement to make sounds from the throat while breathing out in short bursts or gasps as a way of expressing amusement.
2. bring somebody to state by laughing to cause somebody or yourself to be in a particular state by laughing.
3. ridicule to make scornful fun of somebody or something.

In case you never knew the definition of laughter, I’ve been polite enough to share that with you. Which description makes more sense to you?

There have been several scientific studies throughout the course of our existence in order to present reason behind what makes a human laugh; of course throughout my study for this project I wasn’t able to find an answer. Contrary to folk wisdom, most laughter is not about humor; it is about relationships between people. When I think about the things that make me laugh I reflect on conversations I’ve had with others and silly things that just make me smile.

Going back to my question above, the description that makes the most sense to me is the third, ridicule-to make scornful fun of somebody or something. Now don’t for a minute think I’m wicked or condescending, I’d never make fun of somebody to their face or in a way that would damage them or hurt them incredibly. That isn’t my gain for laughter; (i.e. the other day my boss had nearly a half a head of lettuce stuck in his teeth & I just giggled about it and let it stay there during our meeting) those types of things are just funny to me. It might seem rude to you, but here I don’t have to be nice-just honest.

Comedy Based Films It’s easy to laugh at somebody who’s been directed to make other’s laugh especially having time to practice and several people standing around to give you tips, writers etc. When I think of the movies I laugh out loud at it’s usually not outward humor that catches me. I’m a very detail oriented person and I tend to watch every specific part of a movie, hence why I despise anybody who talks during a movie or makes rumpus that is distracting for me. Hidden humor or hilarity you have to watch for or really catch up on makes me laugh. Two amazing examples are Shaun of the Dead or Hot Fuzz, way to go Edgar Wright.

Stand Up I don’t laugh at stupidity. Nothing about that gets a rise out of me. I love droll sarcasm and facial expressions play a big part. It’s also great to build off of the energy of that person. For example Dane Cook moves around his entire stage and pulls you into him by funny gestures or somehow reliving the story he’s telling you. For me it makes it that much more personal and real. For those of you that are Ogden-based and are aware of Wise Guys Comedy Club, one of my favorite comedians to go watch there is Dave Metcalf. He has a minor handicap that is unfortunate but he is able to positively take his misfortune and make you laugh. You’ll notice some that are sweating to make you laugh, their gig is forced. For people like Dane & Dave it’s just natural.

Accidental Pain I, like many many others, find someone stubbing their toe, tripping on carpet, or slipping off of a diving board very amusing. The very best place to find something like this is on America’s Funniest Home Videos, their 30 second segments kill me. When somebody is smiling at the camera saying “Look at me, look at me!” and then does something so incredibly embarrassing-you HAVE to laugh at that. They can’t undo what they’ve done, so it’s best to smile about it. I hope nobody ever gets seriously hurt, but a few scrapes and bruises by no means ever killed anybody.

Everything Random I find random irresistible. Lately a lot of my giggles derive from pranks played around the office. We have a wall here where they’ve measured family members and past employees (height). Somehow my boss’ daughter was 6’4 @ the age of six then shrunk significantly to about 5’8 in 1999. (It’s the absolute best when somebody notices Shay shrunk) In my boss’ office there’s a single jelly bean placed on one of his picture frames, my co-worker is constantly paranoid that someone is sitting at her desk-snooping through her things so one boring Friday afternoon I sprinkled cracker crumbs all over her desk and left a single cracker with only one bite taken out of it in her drawer. She was disgusted on Monday. Am I crazy or is that shit not side-splitting?

Imagination The key to a vivid imagination is just to actually have one. This category and ‘everything random’ sort of go together. Take a tape measure for example, if it was locked on 2 ½ inches- think of all the things that could be measured at that length. If you’re a box you’ll be literal, if not you’ll imagine someone measuring their big toe. It doesn’t make sense, but it’s funny. But this is where being an individual comes into play. Like the scientists who've performed several studies-I can’t tell you what will make you laugh, only what does it for me. The greatest thing about imagining something that will make you laugh is there are no limits. Run with it.

Relationships filled with Laughter I think it’s easiest to get along with somebody who mirrors your personality in almost every way. Opposition is endearing, but somebody who thinks like me, that’s the person I want to talk to and form a true bond with. If any example I’ve given you today has made you snicker or smile in even the tiniest bit, you and I will get along. My brother and I have a great relationship this way, we find the most random things funny and we are able to laugh until we cry about something we’ve completely imagined. I could give you numerous examples, but you just wouldn’t understand. I’m not hoping for you to understand entirely, just to relate. So if I’ve accomplished that then I’m golden.

Instead of being so serious all the time, take a moment to smile, to laugh. You don’t have to have an explanation or an excuse. Sometimes laughing to yourself is the best thing. So I’ll ask you this…what makes you laugh? Think about it.

THIS BOAT IS OBVIOUSLY SINKING!!!

2010-02-03T10:56:00.000-08:00

Breathe . Take in lots of air and then spit it out.

I'm tired of letting others impinge on my heart. I am so proud of who I am, mistakes and all. My feelings have been hurt too much by people that I invest so much time and effort into; I guess you could say I'm sort of putting a wall up. I deserve that kind of protection and inevitably it'll save myself and everyone around me a lot of heartache and bother. It's a new decade and a new me, I'm going to maintain a mature outlook on life and for those around me. I also can't expect any entity to be something they're not.

I pride myself as being someone who has never lashed out or spoken bad-mannered words to a person I care about. I never intentionally hurt or make fun of. I'll think it (I'm human), but I always hold it inside, where I keep a lot of things. But I'm done holding unneccesary emotion inside, it's only bruising my soul.

Sticks & stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me because I'll never be perfect; I know that. You are safe with me, because I am going to move forward with love. Only love.

Go me!

First vAcation of 2010

2010-01-25T10:00:00.000-08:00

We spent a couple of overnighters up in Bear Lake two weekends ago. It wasn't freezing but yowzer's it was cold. My sis & her family weren't able to come :(, but my brother's family and my parents came up with us. We hung out in our conzy condo, watched movies, played games, we took our four-wheeler down to the icy lake, and also did some rad tubing at the golf course. One night my dad shared a bunch of stories from his childhood-cherry bombs and messing with the neighbors, it opened him up so much more for me and I'll remember it forever. I can't wait to go back up, I'm thinking sometime in February after my birthday. I'm suprised at how fast time is already going, we're through with January; February is always so short (even though it's only lacking a couple of days) so before we know it spring will be here. This I'm happy for. But until then...if it's going to snow, just snow already so we can get it over with! If it were up to me it'd stop snowing now until next winter, but I know we need the water so let's get on with it!

The Beautiful catails

I'm standing on top of the lake right now!

Where the waves froze. It was so awesome.

Tubing with the little ones, Kin, Cam, & Code.

Jon and I on the tube.

My life, you electrify my life

2010-01-21T11:51:00.000-08:00

Jon. I've never been the best at showing my appreciation, hence what I'm about to post. My husband is amazing. I met Jon when I was fifteen years old, we instantly gravitated towards one another and due to a circumstance became wonderful friends at first. It wasn't long after we were close that we realized what we had was much more than a friendship. Classicaly he gave me butterflies whenever I saw him and eventually this drove him to become my boyfriend. :) I can't say our relationship was easy, no one's is; but we always had so much fun together. Years rushed by and life for us changed, we got married and marriage didn't solve every problem we had either, but I truly feel it brought us closer to what we are meant to be for each other. We are again at a crossroads in our relationship and can't wait to become parents; I know Jon will be an incredible father once it's at that time in our lives. I want to dedicate this post to you, Jon, you are my light and my rock, you are everything in this world that I need you to be. My soulmate.

I love you.

I can't wait to indulge on the journey we will share together. The journey we call life.

p.s. We still have so much fun together.

Should it mean something to me?

2010-01-11T12:43:00.000-08:00

So I need your opinion.
How serious should you take your dreams?

For example should I find any significance

in dreams I have about someone who has passed away?
I'm just interested in what you might have to say.
In the meantime here's a great quote for sharing:

"Happiness is only real when shared." -Christopher Johnson McCandless

Love Hollie Katina

Ma muse, ma mélodie, je t'aime.

2010-01-05T11:45:00.000-08:00

I've never been one of those people who hates any one genre of music. Don't get me wrong there are tunes that I am not fond of, particularly rap. But even so, there are still some rap songs I will jive to. If someone were to ask me what style of music I prefer, I don't think I would honestly be able to answer. My love for music is not because of who's behind it, it's from what I hear. One must allow the words and especially the melody to enter your soul. There are times that I love the lyrics because of how I can relate and other times when the words make no sense but the melody is utter bliss. I do not play music and though I wish I did I am still an avid music lover. My hope is to one day learn how to play an acoustic guitar; a strum from those strings could make any female melt and feel helpless to whatever its operator's requests might be.

I'm offering a tribute to all the wonderful music that I love. My favorites fluctuate by week and mostly just by my mood. When I'm feeling melancholy I typically tend to lean more towards melody. Rogue Wave-Eyes, The Shins-Black Wave, DC4C-Tiny Vessels, Damien Rice-The Blower's Daughter, Jon Brion-Theme to name a few. When I'm ready to dance and sing along Lady GaGa is a recent favorite. Since I was about thirteen I've been a sucker for Blink 182, they have a special place in my heart and could do no wrong in my eyes. I am very affectionate towards my dinner music-a topic I'll have to touch base on in another blog. I promise.

The best thing about music is the ability it has to take you somewhere extroadinary. We've all experienced the feeling, for me it only lies in certain artists or songs. There are songs that can make me cry or ones that can make me smile and feel warm inside. It's incredible.

I feel priviledged to have such a fine tuned relationship with music. It's one I won't ever give up.

Music: je t'aime. I love you.

Nothin' like bein a kid on Christmas..

2009-12-10T09:35:00.000-08:00

I love this time of year, the hustle & bustle and all the warm fuzzies we feel as human beings; but there is always a part of me that feels sad that I'll never be a kid at Christmastime again. I am very thankful that I have wonderful memories from that time in my life, I'm lucky to have such memories to miss. But there really is just nothing like it. I don't know if it was because I was a kid or if it has something to do with Global Warming but I swear we always had a ton of snow when I was little, it never failed to dazzle the streets in white. My mom would always tell me to pick a snowflake and watch it fall to the ground, I still enjoy doing that now. Growing up has a way of sneaking up on you, which at times I really hate, but I am so grateful for my family, their health and well being. I would be lost without them.

I guess I was deserving enough to have the most wonderful parents and siblings to carry me through where and who I am now. I have inherited the most amazing in-laws, I don't even like calling them that. They are my second family of which I've even gained best friends from. It has always been extremely hard for me to move on, but I guess I'm just pointing out that I am so very happy for the blessings I have received in the now and for my future.
Even though I'm an old fogue, soon to be 24 (ugh, that's painful), there are some traditions that I just simply refuse to give up. I have had Christmas music (the very best of Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Gene Autry, The Carpenters, & Dean Martin) constantly blasting through the house since two days before Thanksgiving, the tree and decor was up on Nov. 25, on my list of must watch movies I've crossed off the classic Frosty the Snowman, Home Alone, Charlie Brown Christmas, & the classic Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer-of the ones I have left-A Christmas Vacation, the cartoon How the Grinch Stole Christmas, & Home Alone 2. Last week we went and saw "Nutcracker: Men in Tights" @ the Desert Star and it was incredible, then last night we went to see the lights at temple square (it was beautiful and spiritual despite the crowd) and I'm planning on making the caramel puffpopcorn & a mint & peppermint bark chocolate layer cake! I decided to take off the week inbetween Christmas & New Year's and I'm really looking forward to some downtime and creative time to myself. Jon's birthday is Dec. 26 so we're going down to P.F. Changs, we haven't been there since our honeymoon, so I'm pretty excited.

Well I hadn't written in awhile so I just wanted to post a little update. :)

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone I love!

The Living Dead *Update

2009-10-27T09:40:00.000-07:00

So I realized that I missed a zombie movie that I enjoyed even though I didn't think I would. So folks an update for those insane movie brains:

Quarantine-I was afraid this movie would be too shaky because it is filmed by a hand-held camera. I almost get sea-sick when I watch movies like Cloverfield or anything that's sort of jumpy like that, but I am glad that I sucked it up and watched this movie. It was really scary! A zombie must see.

Color

2009-10-21T13:12:00.000-07:00

Bits of yellow, bits of green, and speckles of red showing inbetween-fall is in the air and it's perhaps the most beautiful sight I've ever seen!
Fall is a wonderful time of year, a lot of people claim it is their favorite season; I might agree although I've found something in each season that we experience. My favorite part of all of them is the change, you get the feeling of something new yet also something very familiar. I have grown up in Utah all my life so it's for me to notice fall creeping through as early as the end of August. Fall is the most noticable season change and definitely the most beautiful. I love the color, last night I was loading my groceries into the car and i just happened to look up at the mountains and they were burning red. I was taken back by the majesty and beauty of it all. Fall started a little early for us this year because we got our first snow on September 30th, i was a little disappointed to see it come so early but that soon went away and the weather the last few weeks has almost felt like an indian summer, it has just been so beautiful.
Logan Canyon is my favorite ride to take, we use it often going back and forth from the condo in bear lake, we went up there for a fall getaway on October 2nd through the 4th. The trees were so vibrant and beautiful in color, between the snow at the tops of the mountains and the leaves below it was quite a sight to see.

I am thankful for Utah, it's a beautiful place to live.

And that is dying...

2009-10-19T09:26:00.000-07:00

Jon's grandfather has been struggling in the hospital for the past 6 weeks. It's unfortunate that the inevitable has sort of been riding on everyone's back. He has made it obvious that he's spoken to past relatives on the other side, and I fear his time is close. I have lost not many, but a few in my 23 years; I have tried my best to be a listener and a comforter throughout this experience for Jon and his family members, especially my mother-in-law and his youngest sister Sarah. My hopes are that they can be comforted during this time, and that whether grandpa Udie makes it out alive or not, death is not final. He has made it very clear that he will be going to a place where he will be extremely loved and greeted by family with open arms. I can only hope that one day when it is my time, that I will be shown the same affection from loved ones that I have lost. Throughout all of this I wanted to share a poem that reminds us that death can be beautiful and it's never goodbye.

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: 'There, she is gone!''Gone where?' Gone from my sight. That is all.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: 'There, she is gone!' there are other eyes watching her coming, and the other voices ready to take up the glad shout 'Here she comes!' And that is dying.

*To those I have loved and lost, I miss you and I will be happy to be greeted by you again someday*

The Living Dead

2009-10-08T10:15:00.000-07:00

So since October is finally here and I'm feeling uber festive I thought I'd talk a little bit about good ol' fashioned zombies. In my teen years I loved scary movies, now that I'm a little older they tend to scare me more. I still watch them, I'll always be a fan-but I'm just a little bit more careful as to which and when I watch. There is one particular scary film genre that I still love and am not afraid to watch, z.o.m.b.i.e. films! No, I'm not talking Rob Zombie, his movies are good-a little off the wall crazy...but no, I am talking about the flesh eating characters who walk around aimlessly looking for their next victim. Since I'm in such a great mood and feel like sharing I've compiled a list of my fav zombie films, and given the holiday we are about to celebrate it might be fun to participate in scary activities.

1. 28 Weeks Later

The first oh, maybe 15 minutes of this film will have you on the edge of your seat crazy. It's very intense.

2. Resident Evil

Not the greatest film ever, and in my opinion they've made way too many but I like Mila Jovovich so I'm gonna throw this on my fav. If you don't mind stepping out of order, Apocalypse is my favorite one.

3. Land of the Dead

Gruesome, typical zombie film.

4. Shaun of the Dead

If you love Simon Pegg like I do, you'll love this film. Nick Frost does a spectacular job, and this film is laugh out loud funny. (I sound like a movie critic don't I? That's because I am one.) It's the perfect comical twist to a world being taken over by zombies.

5. Zombieland

The latest and greatest. Woody Harrelson is hilarious and Jesse Eisenberg is becoming a favorite of mine. This show has a little bit of everything. I could have handled a little more action, but the action it had was incredible. It's really funny; a definite must.

Jackson Hole

2009-09-21T10:47:00.000-07:00

This trip was short, but sweet. The best part of it all was that we were able to spend the time with Jon's entire family, minus only one sis. Which if you know Jon's fam, it's a rare occasion that we all get together; let alone on a vacation. Molton Ranch is a beautiful place to stay. I recommend that anyone who wants to travel to Jackson Hole/Yellowstone stay in these cabins-but make sure you plan your reservations a year in advance! The drive up was beautiful, it brought back many memories for me-my G-pa Lambros used to have a cabin in Alpine, WY and I have recollections of many times spent up there with my family as a young girl. The nature and vibe in Jackson Hole is a priceless one. It's a great town and somewhere I wish I could have lived or worked for awhile in my youth. We spent quality time at the cabin, playing games, reading, visiting, eating good food, and taking walks. We took a boat ride across Jenny Lake in Grand Teton National Park, and we also hiked up to Hidden Falls, and back around the lake. It was very, very beautiful. I can't wait to go back.

Our View from the Cabins

Hiking towards Hidden Falls

Jenny Lake

Antler Arch in Jackson

Everyone that went

Hannah Montana Pajama Party

2009-08-19T08:52:00.000-07:00

Ok, I know what you're thinking. But it wasn't as bad as it sounds. I promised my nieces that I'd take them to see Hannah Montana when it was in the theater; I didn't get around to that so I had them over to my house for pizza, goodies, and to watch the movie. I can't believe that I haven't done something like this sooner. We have been in our home for well over two years now, and family has been in and out of our home but I've never had the little girls over just to hang. I was nervous at first, that they'd be bored or wouldn't enjoy it, but it was a blast! They all came so hyper and excited to be there and it made me really happy that they felt so comfortable in our home. I shoveled them with pizza, popcorn, & candy. I took them home at about 11:00p.m.-hyper and giddy for their parents. It was great. Here are a few pictures to share the experience.

Summertime and the livin's easy

2009-08-10T09:17:00.000-07:00

This summer has been a hectic one for Jon and I; it seems like we've been going non-stop. We were originally blue that we weren't going to Lake Powell this year. I have been going to Powell every year since I was little, but every year guaranteed for the past ten. The very first time Jon went with us he was 18, so he has been with us the past five years that we have gone..anyway point being we're used to going, we love going, and we were sad that we weren't going to make it this year. haha. So we decided to keep busy doing other things-more family time, more camping and quick weekend vacations. I can say that since April we have gone on at least two vacations a month. Now that summer is winding down I am feeling tired of being away from home, but I am so glad that we kept busy and created memories with eachother and our families along the way. Just to share a few of the things we've done:
April: Bear Lake & San Diego

May: Moab & Bear Lake

June: Celebrated 6 yrs together, 2 of those married & Browne Lake

July: Bear Lake & Fish Lake

August: Bear Lake Raspberry Days (geeze you could say we like Bear Lake!)
In September we'll be going to Jackson Hole with Jon's family for four days and that'll be the end of it all. Just in time for the holidays that we love celebrating at home. As you can see we've done a lot of things outdoors this year; no five star hotels or spa-like retreats for us this time. I think that the way both Jon and I were raised adds to how we choose vacations and such. Both of us truly feel in our element when we are outside experiencing nature and all it has to offer. We have seen some really beautiful things in our lifetime-all of which we can thank Mother Earth for. We have also had a lot of BBQ's on our new deck & had friends and family over a lot. :)
Um as for other updates Jon has been gone a lot this summer for work. Starting July 6th he's been gone every week, returning only on the weekends. We are hoping that this week will be the last like that. He's getting tired of being away from home, and I'm tired of having him away from home. Gage was driving the neighbors crazy with his barking and we figured it was due to his Dad (Jon) being gone so much and not being able to spend time with him. So Mom (me) has been taking him out on nightly walks, we have really bonded during this time and although we are still trying to smooth out some rough edges he's minding me better and getting more used to me as an authority figure. Attika is still as cute AND as lazy as ever. I can't believe she's already five years old. I was out shopping for dog food the other day and Pedigree has food for "seniors" and it said ages 6+ on the bag!!! I was like Atti is going to be considered a senior in a year? No! All I know is that she better live forever or I don't know what I'll do. Both our extended and our immediate family is doing well so we can't really complain. Life is good. Jon and I went to Weber County Fair last Saturday night and that was fun. It's nice having it so close to home. We loved the animals and we were able to steal some glimpses of the derby. I remember going to the fair as a little girl, so it brings back good memories.
Anyway-now that we're all up to date. :) I am a little sad that summer is winding down but I am looking forward to fall and the holidays too. I love this time of year, it's perfect.

Are you willing to believe?

2009-06-02T15:12:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago the Standard Examiner had an article promoting the book "Mysteries and Legends in Utah" by Michael O' Reilly; this book is filled with our state's true stories of the unsolved and unexplained. The Standard chose to touch on two of the book's topics Bigfoot (Yeti, Sasquatch) and UFO's (unidentified flying objects). I am typically superstitious and almost always gullible when it comes to things of this nature. I've always been drawn to such mysteries because it makes me feel adventurous and excited inside about the world we live in. I know many, me included, believe that we are blind to so many things in this world, much is left to discover and much of it we probably never will. Upon becoming aware of the article and reading it and learning that there have been 17 sightings alone in North Ogden, Jon and I discussed it freely with my mother and father-in-law. Denice and I were all for it, the article made us believers and we are jumping at the chance to purchase Mr. O'Reilly's novel, Jon and Okey on the other hand with the lack of a better term bashed the ideas and complained about numerous, understandable points. I might mention that both are avid hunters and have "traveled and explored" nearly every mountaintop in Utah-there wasn't an ounce of sarcasm in that I promise you ;) Their points were:

1. Why have we not found a carcus of this supposed bigfoot?
2. Why can't anyone capture a picture of him?
3. Why can't anybody shoot him?
4. Why is it that when others have "sighted" him in an area-nobody can ever seem to find him there again?

There are many unanswered questions that plenty of people have on the matter. A gentleman who shared his story with the author was also printed in the Standard's article. He was an older man who seemed intelligent and sane. He came into contact with "bigfoot" while camping with his two grandson's in the Uintahs-he felt that this creature has a mystical power and can not be shot or captured on film-which slides in another direction that many believers think that it's possible that bigfoot could in fact be Cain from 'Cain and Abel' the story of the first murderer in our holy bible.

After the casual discussions I shared with family about it I couldn't help but become highly interested. The next day I did some research on our dear friend Mr. Bigfoot and I couldn't believe how much I found. Magazine and newspaper articles, published books, huge conventions held for men and women from around the world who gather search teams who have a career in and spend their lives trying to find this unobtainable creature. I know I mentioned I was gullible earlier but it is hard for me to believe that there would be so much out there on such a creature that isn't real. I am positive that there are the types of people who get a kick out of playing tricks or those that fabricate stories for their socialites justto get a rise out of them, but according to some of the articles I read, there have been tracks found in such desolate places that would make you question why anybody would take the time and bother to create such tracks when there is a 90% chance they'd never be found. So that is my question why bother?

I don't know if it's bigfoot, I don't know if odd lights in the sky are aliens, but I do know that there are still mysteries in this world and it wouldn't hurt to start believing in some of them. There are plenty of stories that we can talk ourselves out of, but I believe in this situation there is too much evidence to call it a hoax.
Next time you hear a bump in the night and before you tell yourself it's just your imagination, open your mind up to the possibility that it could be something real.

Call me crazy, but I'm a believer.

My true happiness

2009-06-01T11:08:00.000-07:00

The Arnell, Larsen, & Bingham family, all together.

time to shop for a better attitude!

2009-05-07T15:05:00.000-07:00

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, or a home. The remarkable thing is, we have a choice every day regarding what attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes.

My 'stay'cation blues

2009-05-04T10:20:00.000-07:00

Jon and I got back late last night from a 3 day trip to southern Utah with my family. It was a struggle to get it planned and to make sure everyone could meet and make the time we had picked out. It's difficult gathering 4 families and a total of 15 people together-but oh boy, was it worth it. We had such an amazing time; it really brought each and everyone of us together again. We had kind of lost that family touch but I feel like the last three days mended what had been taken from us. I am amazed by God's country and the opportunities we have to view it and experience it as a whole. The sights we saw were truly magical. It was fun for me to reminisce back to times when I had seen these areas before and an honor to show Jon Utah's playground for the first time.
Goblin Valley State Park, Utah
I love this place. I remember being a little girl climbing around in the formations pretending they were my houses. Jon had a heyday here; his legs were sore the next day from all the jumping and leaping he did from rock to rock.

The kids thorougly enjoyed climbing all over Goblin Valley. It was really hot and they didn't last long. We were able to get all the boys minus Dad & Ethan up on this Goblin and I stole a picture of them being silly. Kirk, Jaden, Jon, Nate, & Codey.

Here is an opening to an old uranium mine just north of Temple Mountain. It was discovered in 1898 and there are still remnants of the town and people that once lived there. It is almost eery looking into these old mines, most are fenced or gated off now because of the dangers one could face if they entered these 100+ year constructions.
Dead Horse Point, Utah Here's Mom, Dad, & me standing on the legendary Dead Horse Point, where once cowboys herded mustangs onto this 2,000 foot high rock cliff ledge. They picked the ones they wanted and left the others to die coralled there without any water. The views were amazing from this height. This was my favorite part of the trip.
Here's Jon being a smart ass on the very top of the 2,000 ft. high rocky cliff ledge. Jon pushed me to the limit by getting as close to the edge as possible. (He likes to live dangerously or prove he's macho) Everytime I'd catch him pulling these types of stunts my own knees would get wobbly. At one point I heard a lady yell "Suicide, what are you doing?!" I looked at my Dad & said "Let me guess, that's my husband she's yelling at..." & sure enough it was. Turns out he was hanging off the edge on his belly throwing a huge boulder over so he could watch & hear it fall.

'Double Arch' @ Arches National Park I couldn't believe how many arches there were in this park. This was my first time experiencing this recreation. The process of how they form this way is incredible. I noticed while passing others how many different languages and accents I heard, it left me feeling big headed because I live in such a beautiful state that has much to offer. Lucky me.
Jon in the opening at 'Double Arch'. He made me very nervous by being up there but I am so glad I was able to capture this shot.

'Delicate Arch' of the most famous at Arches National Park. We weren't able to hike the treacherous 2 miles with the little ones so we decided to take the smaller hike up to the "Upper View Point" We spent some time up on the rocks and it was peaceful.
Jon caught me gazing at the landscape from the rocks at the "upper view point". Like I said it was very peaceful. I gathered my thoughts here and thought about how thankful I was to have my whole family with me.
We stopped on the way home at Nine Mile Mountain and rode the four wheelers for a bit. It was fun going from hot weather and redrock to fall-like weather and pine trees. I drove Atti around on the machine and she didn't like it very much. She was shaking, but I made her tough it out. I'm a mean mom, I know.

Jon & I after going up a neat canyon in Nine Mile. I love him so much. He blends in w/ my family so well, he was meant for us.

Just the 5 of us as we started out. We have grown tremendously but every once in awhile I like to showcase just the 'roots'.

All in all the trip was a success. I had a great time and I'm looking forward to going again sometime in the future. The most important part to me was spending the time with my family and creating an everlasting memory. Hopefully this summer I will have much more to come!

San Diego

2009-04-08T14:03:00.000-07:00

Jon and I had ourselves a little Spring getaway to San Diego, California. We decided to tag along with my Dad to his auction down there, which afterwards my Mom decided to go too. It was nice to reconnect with them, it feels weird not living at home anymore...sometimes I forget to call and I know that makes them feel bad. We were only gone for 5 days but it felt like we were gone for ages. Those are the kind of trips I like, I hate it when they fly right by. It was neat to see the auction process and I was able to spend some good quality time with my Mom, browsing thrift stoors and the neat malls they have in Cali. It was nice for Jon and I too, we haven't done much lately, we've been saving our wad of cash flow (I wish it were truely a wad) for the summer months and home updates. We ate some really good food and Jon got to see the ocean again which I think is one of his favorite things. Dont tell him I said so though ;) I am amazed by different culture-even experiencing it just two states away. The people there were so friendly (unlike Utah)my mom and I got several comments on our nails, outfits, just personal outerappearance etc. Lots of people said their "hello's" too which isn't a familiar trait here in Utah unless you know someone. There we were complete strangers but still received what we called "special treatment". Which is sad, because it shouldn't be special treatment at all, it should just be the norm. But anyway even the vegetation in California suprised me, their landscaping is so beautiful and not only are their palms something we don't get, but they had several different trees that I noticed as well. Here we have our pines and quakies, it's just natural to us here, but I'm sure to visitors they notice the difference the way I did within their environment. Needless to say we had a wonderful time, here are a few pictures to share our experience.

Where we stayed our first night...

Mom and I on our day of shopping....

The trailor loaded up after the auction...

Jon and I @ Seaport Village...

A beautiful shop next to Mission Bay....

Nothing like bare feet at the beach...

I got soaked up to my knees!

Jonny looking sexy...

my FABULOUS fav. five

2009-03-11T14:06:00.000-07:00

So I'm sure we all have our celebrity crushes, here are mine:

Teddy Geiger: There is something about him that's appealing to me. He seems like he would be really sweet.

Robert Pattinson: Let's face it ladies, we all want a piece of edward.

Ryan Gosling: He's got that grunge appeal, I was hooked after 'The Notebook'

Andy Samberg: Ok, ok...I realize he's not the most attractive character out of the bunch, but he makes me laugh and that's always a turn on.

Brad Pitt: I don't think I really need to explain why...it is what it is. He's gorgeous.

Some things never change

2009-02-24T21:40:00.000-08:00

...oh, but they do.

I can look back on the past five years of my life and I see extreme change. It's been on my mind lately anyway, but its funny the things that happen to bring what's changed to the surface of my brain evermore. I ran into a gal that I used to work with @ Union Grill, aw, my first job-such memories. I was only 18 years old then, so naive, and close to clueless on what it was like to be responsible for something. In ways I envy who I was then, I constantly envy my past which is a continuous problem and also not what I'd like to touch on right now...so moving on...
Jon and I had a conversation about how we're always living for tomorrow. Everybody is always pushing to get through today. I think what happens to most of us is that we forget we are living today. Today is as much a part of your life as tomorrow will be, or the next day. I know I'm guilty for living for my weekends. Do I enjoy myself more on the weekends? Well sure, but I'd like to start enjoying everyday as I do my weekends. Even though work is involved, I should be able to remind myself to enjoy a minor part of each passing day. If you want to get severely deep into this and be technically frank...if you think about it, each day that passes only leads you closer to your inevitable death. A sick thought, but an eye opener I think. All of us should start slowing down, smell the roses, watch the sunset-or if you're ambitious the sunrise. Joy can be found in so many things that we take for granite. It makes complete sense to me now that when I was younger I was anxiously awaiting being older, and now that I'm older I'm wishing I could go back to my younger days again. If I would have slowed down back then I would have been able to better enjoy the things that I had no idea would change, the people that would come and go. It's a great lesson I've learned the hard way. I'm going to make a point to start living today and living just how I want to. Take this advice or leave it, but I'm going to be vain and say this is very good advice.

Folks, what was once the title to a great soap opera...'these are the days of our lives,' your life. Start realizing it. Live for today, and everyday after that.

Shout OUT! to my Sarah Clydie

2009-02-11T14:28:00.000-08:00

I'm envious of this young gal, she's much smarter than I was at the age of fifteen.
Like her, I am the youngest child in my family and it wasn't long ago that I remember the time when my siblings were getting married and moving on in their life and I just felt sort of left behind. I am unsure if Sarah feels this way, but I'm sure she can relate a little bit. I went through my rebellious teen phase where family came second to friends and popularity, only to realize later on in my life that family should always come first. Over numerous occasions Sarah has proven to me that she understands the concept of family already and she does what she can to pull us all together, and might I mention what a grueling task this can be. I find now that I am the one in my immediate family doing what I can to plan trips, game nights, dinners out...or any opportunity for my family to spend quality time together. It isn't easy getting several different lives to meet together all the same night and at the same time, but when you do it is more than worth it.
Last weekend Sarah planned a poker night for all of us and believe it or not we were all able to make it. We had an amazing night-had the parents up until 1:30am, and laughed until we cried. It's an everlasting memory I'll have all thanks to you Ms. Sarah. You are such a beautiful and strong girl...I just wanted you to know that somebody notices.
I love you, sis. :)

mY baby girl

2009-01-22T15:23:00.000-08:00

Attika is the sweetest thing since chocolate; I had surgery last Friday and she has hunkered down right by my side through recovery. Now I know one can argue, Atti is normally always lazy (most dogs typically are) but for some reason she's been extra sweet and has shared "camp couch" with me this entire time. There is just something about a dog's love. Thanks Atti, mama appreciates your compassion.

Jon has been equally as supportive, taking care of poor pathetic me. He took me for a ride up the Ogden Canyon on Saturday, it was beautiful. Here are a few cool shots from that trip.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.. ya filthy animal...

2009-01-06T08:05:00.000-08:00

The build up to the holidays is the best, when the actual day finally gets here it just flies on by. I can't believe all the preparation you go through and how quickly its all over. I'm glad I was able to watch my favorite holiday films though, my favs:
1. Christmas Vacation
2. A Christmas Story
3. Home Alone 1 & 2
4. Rudolph (the classic cartoon)
5. Elf
6. The Grinch who stole Christmas (the classic cartoon)
Spending the time with family and loved ones made it best of all for me. I'm so glad everyone is healthy and that we are able to create special memories with one another.

Now that 2009 is here I am looking forward to a fresh start. 2008 had its ups and downs, but I'm really looking forward to leaving it in the past. Hello new year and new life! I can't wait!

Powell: My Heaven

2008-12-01T08:26:00.000-08:00

Ever since I can remember my family and I have been going down to Lake Powell. Being that its located in the very state I live in and that it's also one of my favorite places to vacation makes it nice for me. As far as I'm concerned there isn't any place like it; the way the glistening blue green fades into the calcium deposited white of water levels past, and finally into the ever famous russet brown and black that dominates Southern Utah.

I could list a hundred reasons why I love this place:
1. sun
2. beautiful
3. hot
4. relaxing
5. memorable
The lake is so powerful in all of its 186 miles. Sometimes the feelings I get are indescribable when I'm down there. The open aired freedom of the water, the sun, and the sky gives anyone the ability to breath. Breath deep and sure. The last time we were down there it was almost like therapy for me. Like I had checked into a rehabilitation center where I could completely be myself. Previous to our trip my grandmother passed away- literally days before we left, and last summer was close to hell. I've had a pretty eventful year. The night before we left we had to attend a friend's wedding and I was able to stand up for myself towards two supposed "friends" of mine, a first for me-it was a liberating experience. (and too long of a story to tell) I appreciated that I had this beautiful place to mull over my past, present, and future feelings. This time around I was able to breeze through the first two books of the Twilight Saga, I tanned, I swam, ate good food...I took it all in and God it was great.

If I had to chose my serenity, here is where it would be:
Here are a few pictures of my time down there:

Attika and I on a boat ride. It was so cute-she loved being in the sun, she instantly fell asleep.

All of us that went. We hiked up to Rainbow Bridge.

Nate (my brother) and I while we were exploring Face Canyon.

Playing Polish Poker. The only cute one at this table is Bree. lol.

Attika and Ketta on their first boat ride. They loved it.

Bree and I on our hike.

Gunsight Butte, where we camped. The houseboat.

Jon and the girls @ Dangling Rope Marina.

Our last night there just over the wall someone put on the most amazing firework show. It was incredible.

Jon and I.

Creating our own firework show.

Where I spent most of my time reading Twilight.

A beautiful place.

My Mame

2008-11-07T14:41:00.000-08:00

Tradition has proven itself joyful, yet again. For the past couple of months Amy and I have been creating a much needed girls night either during the week or the weekend. Last night we embarked upon our sixth girls night; lately it has become a weekly thing rather than the once a month we first talked about.

Throughout each friendship I have gained I have come to realize that friendship rarely ever comes easy, at least not the ones that truly matter. Needless to say my relationship with mame (Amy, Slame, Dizzy dame) is recently coming off the rocks we hit this summer. Some might say that having to work within a relationship you have with a friend isn't worth it, but I completely disagree. Sometimes knowing that both of you care enough, to fight, get over it, and beginning to rekindle what might have been lost during the fight tells me so much more. It feels good knowing that someone cares about you enough to work through the bad stuff and make the good stuff that much better.

Amy and I have gotten along from day one. I have lots of memories with her, even before I have memories with Jon. She's always been a sweetheart and she always gets me. The dirty dancing recaps, the Levi goat laugh, stealing people's liquor, making mac and cheese...throwing benches into Holiday Innn's swimming pools at 2:00a.m. I could go on forever. From the crazy ass w. terrace times through the goyk hennessey days up until now with our girl's nights mame will always be in my heart. She taught me how to play guitar hero, one handed like a fuckin rock star, that's bad ass. ;) love you sis, sliss. Let's never forget why we click the way we do in the first place.

Dog'on Photography

2008-10-29T08:39:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday we ventured out with our children to Beus Pond where we met Brad (our photographer) so that we could take "family" photos. We figured we'd get through the dog shots first because those seemed they would be the hardest. (and they were, believe me) Gage couldn't keep his tongue in his mouth for... oh i dont know....ONE second. Because the park was packed the dogs would look everywhere BUT the camera. While my husband became frustrated I couldn't help but enjoy the time we were having; Brad kept cooing "Gage, Gage...up here Gage" as if he was speaking to a toddler...that brought to my attention that in the years to come Jon and I will look back on this time and marvel at the days when we only had Attika and Gage to worry about. One day a couple of kids will fill our lives and our home with a lot more responsibility and chaos. Even though I look forward to that time in our lives, I am grateful for the time we have with one another now; I am very pleased and fulfilled with the little spirits we take care of. We are complete for now.

Cleora Blanche Durant Arnell

2008-09-24T11:17:00.000-07:00

My Grandma was just like any other Grandma.
She passed away on September 15, 2008 at the age of 87yrs. Her last days here with us were sad ones, she suffered quietly while all of us watched her go. As hard as it is to accept the death of someone close to you, most of my family realized it was time for her to move on. The state she was living in was no state for any human being to live in at all. When you can't eat or speak your worth starts to diminish within you. She felt it, she knew, and she was ready.

The hardest part is watching those that are left behind struggle. My Grandpa wept constantly at her side for two weeks prior to her passing. He loved her, I never saw it before as much as I saw it then. His frail 92 year old body laid out across her as he would plead to her that he loved her and that he would be okay, it was okay for her to finally sleep. I don't blame him, they were together for a total of 72 years; that's longer than some people live here on this earth and 50 years before I was even born. It was also extremely difficult to watch my Dad cry-he was losing his Mommy something I can't nor do I want to ever relate to. It's weird seeing someone that you view as your strength (my dad) for so many years in such a sad state of mind.

I was in charge of the photographs for her viewing and funeral. Going through all the photographs I could find of her from her infant stages up until a month or so ago-it occured to me her life experiences were lying right there in front of me. Now that she was gone it was only her family and this pile of photographs that held her memory. It brought my mortality to surface and I realized that life is really too short.

I think we can all learn a lesson from this. Live your life to its fullest and take a lot of pictures along the way!

I love you grandma and you will be greatly missed.

care to laugh?

2008-08-18T14:21:00.002-07:00

I wonder if this lady survived that attack...I know her camera didn't...

The most important thing to me.

2008-08-18T14:21:00.001-07:00

I met you at age fifteen.
I was never sure about us,
But I knew the way things seemed.
We were inseparable from the start
You and me.
It had to work somehow
We are meant to be.
Years passed
We kept in contact
As time flew by fast
You graduated from high school
And I was finally free
…For you and me.
We struggled to begin
But when we did…
The feelings were unbeatable from within.
“I love you” came quickly
We were thick as thieves
We spent all our time together immediately
When I look back on it now
I wish we would have slowed down
Not because I regret how it was
Only to enjoy more of the new us.
Days turned into weeks
And weeks into years.
Before I knew it four were under our belt.
Although it wasn’t always easy
I can’t describe how wonderful those years felt.
Time for the next step
We weren’t getting any younger
And our hearts were growing ever fonder.
On a cold day in December
You got down on one knee
And proposed all the love you had to me.
The coming months were a struggle
We faced a lot
We didn’t quite have it all together
But we made it out on top.
I am thankful for the bad times
As crazy as it may sound
We are stronger because of them, no more jagged edges
From this strength our life is becoming more round.
Your eyes are a web of entwined faith
It is for our future, which I cannot wait.
Bright blue doorways to your soul
Our past, present, and what we do not yet know
When I see through your blues
All I see is me and you.
Your touch is nurturing
Your embrace is all that and more
When your arms are around me
I can hardly control melting to the floor.
Your smile lightens up any room
When I taste your lips
I feel like I’m on top of the moon
Each kiss we share has a meaning
A friendly hello, a sad goodbye, sometimes passion and all its feeling.
You are my strong and brave man
Because you’re mine that makes me your biggest fan.
You are smart with many talents
If I named them one by one
I’d be here forever, with our time together being none.
The way you care so deeply, live so freely
Encourages me to stay unique, you complete me.
You’ve got compassion for others
Whether or not they are a brother, a friend, or your mother.
Your silly nature brings out the best in me
We can laugh until we cry, we always have fun
I can be as weird as I want to be
Thank you; with you I’m always free.
I live to let you shine.
You are my love, my partner, my best friend
No one could ever replace you
I will be with you until the very end.

Something to ponder...

2008-08-18T14:21:00.000-07:00

"You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only...from human relationships. God has placed it all around us...and all you have to do is reach for it."

-Christopher McCandless

-Chris was holding a sign saying, "I have had a happy life and thank the Lord. Goodbye and may God bless all." Christopher McCandless' body was found inside the *bus weighing just 67 pounds. He had been dead for more than two weeks. His official cause of death was starvation.

"There is pleasure in the pathless woods,

There is rapture on the lonely shore,

There is society where none intrudes,

By the deep sea and the music in its roar;

I love not man the less, but Nature more."

*read 'Into the Wild' by Jon Krakauer or rent the film (same title) directed by Sean Penn.

Kirkinal Cheese

2008-08-13T13:22:00.001-07:00

The nickname listed above is the edited version to what we normally call him and what his daughter choses to call him during family prayer. Anyhow, my brother-in-law, kirk, never lacks in the entertainment department. He's always doing something silly or telling a joke to gain attention. Kirk is a muralist and has done a lot of work around Utah and Nevada. He has pure talent in the arts and he taught himself. I am proud of him yet I envy him to be able to do what he loves all day and make thousands while doing it. If only I could turn my hobby into a career as he did. He is the father of three (soon to be four) and my sister's husband. He has been a part of our family for many years and I can only hope that he'll continue doing his job at taking care of my sis.
I love you Kirk-Off! ;)

Hollie's Top Ten + One

2008-08-13T13:22:00.000-07:00

The following movies are ones that I highly suggest you watch if you haven't already. Enjoy!
1. Elizabethtown

This movie is my favorite so far. I thoroughly enjoy the way Cameron Crowe (director) portrays a truly disfunctional family. More often than not most movies show us what we want or expect to see. I love how believably real this film is.

2. Kill Bill Vol. 2

Where do I begin? I'll start with the fact that Uma kicks ass as the Black Mamba aka B*****x Kiddo, her role in Quentin's vision of a bride gone wrong. The cinematography in this film is so beautiful; its my favorite of the two because of this.

3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Jim Carey and Kate Winslet are easy to fall in love with while watching this movie. Both of them play their characters so well and I think that's why the movie was such a big hit. The idea that you could actually erase someone to ease pain is miraculous.

4. Smokin' Aces

I love movies that compile a bunch of different characters into one plot and allow them all to meet eventually. This movie doesn't deprive you of great action scenes and the coolest gun power you've ever seen.

5. A Lot Like Love

Your close to typical love story/chick flick. After watching this movie I wanted to find the kind of love that was expressed in it. The kind where no matter how much time passed, no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't get pass the fact that you were meant to be with this one person.

6. Donnie Darko

Make sure you watch this movie all the way through. The ending definately explains the majority of the film. I think each person will find and take something different from Mr. Donnie Darko.

7. Death Proof

Not one of Quentin's finest, but a fine one at that. Even though you can feel the destined gloom and horrible gory fate upon each character you meet you can't help but want to BE them.

8. Requiem for a Dream

This movie is not bright whatsoever. There are parts in the film that sicken me to an extreme extent. I love it for the story it tells and the light it sheds on drugs and addiction.

9. Superbad

If you've seen previews for Superbad I don't have to say much to convince you of its greatness. The humour in this film is unbeatable. Crude yes, but priceless. Oh, and by the way, I love Michael Cera (see http://www.clarkandmichael.com/).

10. Mystic River

Again another morose film, but a great one. In the scene of the picture you are viewing above, Sean Penn's reaction to what he's just been told is very believable. As sad as it is, it's almost one of my favorite parts in the movie. If you love drama, you'll love this movie.

11. HOT FUZZ
Last but not at all the least. I love british comedy because you have to search for its humour, it doesn't just lay it out for you. Simon Pegg is incredibly sexy to me because he is funny without trying and that accent...grrr! This movie goes hand in hand with Shaun of the Dead. Watch them both.

Austin John Andersen

2008-08-07T13:51:00.000-07:00

Twenty-two years ago today Austin was born, on March 28, 2007 he passed away due to a fatal accident. In the year and four months (almost five) that he has been gone, not a day has gone by where he hasn't crossed my mind. Some days are stronger than others, and some of course are harder than others.
I wish he were here today so that I could wish him a happy birthday, but since he's not I thought I'd honor him by writing this blog. Austin was a wonderful friend of mine, even though I only knew him for seven of his twenty years I feel special for having known him at all. I loved him for his infectious smile and his unbeatable hug. He and I spent many nights together laughing, talking, and trying to grow up in the world that we live in. I am certain that he touched not only mine but several lives in the time he had here on earth. I look forward to seeing him again one day when it's my time to move on.
The photo of him above was taken in my room, he had to have been about 15 or 16 yrs old. It is my favorite picture of him. The photo below is one I found of us (left and middle) being silly, we had to have been about fifteen years old, I'm guessing.
Anyway I miss the kid. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUSTIN! I love you.

Discoveries at the park

2008-08-04T15:39:00.001-07:00

My husband and I found ourselves at the Ogden City Parkway on Sunday. After all this winter, last weekend was such a treat; we couldn't stay in our stuffy house any longer. Of course Attika and Gage, our children, (the dogs) needed to stretch their legs and explore the world as well. So we set off for the parkway. When we got there my first thoughts were, "Wow, this is packed!" There wasn't hardly anywhere to park the car; but we got the dogs situated and began down the nicely paved trail. I guess from here I'll get to the point; I noticed a few simple things while we were there and just thought I'd share them with you.
I first noticed the Ogden River; it was furious, rushing west and traveling to an end that I cannot picture. The sound was therapeutic; it was at first all I could hear. As we came upon the first opening I noticed the sound of an ice-cream truck, what seemed to be hundreds of little kids were surrounding it. The music playing out of the truck and the giggles and laughter I could hear brought me back to my childhood- when simple things in life, like an ice-cream truck circling the neighborhood, could bring me utter happiness and bliss. What a world that would be to live in again, right?
On Sunday the Parkway was very populated, I noticed several people grilling food at the provided areas, flying kites, riding bikes, roller blading, fishing, reading, walking their dogs, and the list could go on and on. I appreciate having such a place provided to us where we can do so many things. The dogs were so cute, Gage was his normal self-chill, laid back and then there was Atti-a three inch legged spitfire ready to fight and wanting to take down any dog that came in her way, even the huge Mastiff that could have eaten her up in one bite. This annoyed me and I began watching for dogs up ahead in our path so that I could distract her from them in some way as we passed. While doing this I noticed how many different dogs were there, big and small, black and white, spotted or solid, aggressive or timid, etc. As I noticed the diversity on a canine level, I began to notice it at my own "human" level. Again my differences can go from size, race, style, and personality. Fellow dog walkers would smile, some would nod, and others would actually say "Hello." We were approached by young children asking if they could pet our dogs as their parents watched. I couldn't help but to stop and notice the outward friendliness and the polite attitude of the people around me. Have you ever noticed while camping or hiking or in any "vacation spot" really that people are friendlier? People actually make eye contact and find it in their hearts to say hello; I've always wondered the reasoning behind this- Are they happier? Do some feel obligated when put in that element? I don't know, but I like it. You don't find that at the mall, or at Wal-Mart. I know I'm guilty of it at times, I don't make eye contact, I'm in too big of a hurry to smile or say hello...you lose what it means to be polite. This is the society we live that we have created. It is a new goal of mine to be more outwardly polite and friendly to those I come in contact with, whether they be total strangers or long time friends. :)
I began to dig deeper when glancing or watching the people I passed by or saw that day at the park. I noticed young love, friends, committed couples, family, and of course the ones that walked or sat alone. My heart went out to those who were alone. Some I could tell were just relaxing and enjoying a good book, some were determined athletes who were there for one purpose and couldn't be bothered. There were a few, of an older generation who were alone and I kept wondering why- Were they widowers? Were they just out for a nice Sunday stroll? I became sad for those that were alone and pondered what my life will be like at that age. Which brings me to this...enjoy now, the present, your life-notice and appreciate diversity.
I noticed a lot of things that day at the park as I walked Attika and felt the warm sun on my skin with beauty all around me. My advice to you is this-find the beauty in the world and hold onto it. You'll find it in places you never expected.
love-hollie

Movie Madness (Old Blog)

2008-08-04T15:39:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a "this is my life" moment?
It can happen in various situations. I think too often the lot of us passes from day to day without a thought that this...is...your...life. I'm not saying that we all take it for granite; but do you? I'm just suggesting that you try it sometime. What's sad to me (i'm guilty) that when an event takes place and slaps you in the face...that is when you step back and look at your life as if you're the star in your very own film. If someone asked you point blank unexpectedly "What kind of movie are you?" Would you claim yourself as a Drama, Action, Horror (let's hope not), are you sitting in the "Family" section at Blockbuster where it's always warm, fuzzy, and has a good ending? What signifies your life? In my case what makes me.. Hollie? I'll figure that out and let you know later.
So the next time you're at your favorite restaurant, watching your favorite movie or tv show, cuddling with your dog, gazing into the eyes of your lover...laughing with your friends, or crying over someone you've lost...in these random moments remember this is your life. Don't force it, the thoughts will come, remember them, use these moments to decide your fate, the ending to the film titled: _______ (your names goes here) then you can decide if you want to add a little ...drama, action, maybe even a little romance...live your life the way you want it, because don't forget ...it's the only one you've got. (at least for now)

Our CodiaK bear

2008-07-30T14:52:00.000-07:00

He certainly started out small...but now at only 10 months he's a whopping 24lbs!

I don't know this little guy that much yet, but I'm betting he's going to be so much fun. He's such a happy baby, it's easy to get a smile out of him. He's got two diva's for older sisters...little do they know he's going to give them a run for their money! Codey is my brother's boy and so far the only one who will carry on the Jerel E. Arnell name.(my father). He is the latest addition to our family and what a sweet one he is...he makes us 14.

My thoughts-I don't need your penny, they come this time for free.

2008-07-29T13:41:00.000-07:00

I want to be able to be real. always.
never fake. i don't even want to fake a smile.
just accept me. accept yourself.
stop pretending to be someone else.
start fitting into your OWN life.
you'll find true happiness there.
friends aren't anything, family is everything.
listen to the music around you. apply it to your life.
look at nature for what it IS, not what it can be.
find someTHING to love, not always someONE.
become successful, without money $0.00.
live in the moment, not in the future.
don't hold grudges.
your mistakes do not define you. they tell you who you're not.
when you fail. smile. hold your head high.
spare your life to save someone else's.
stop judging. you only make yourself look stupid.
love anyone who is worthy of your love.
realize when something is truly beautiful.
make a wish. make it real. anything can happen.
this is ME. whoever I want to be.

-hollie K.

Melanoma Cell

2008-07-28T13:44:00.000-07:00

I wish I could give my sister the perfect life. I see that she sometimes struggles, and I can't help but want more for her. She has such a light about her, she's so silly and so sweet. She's got a heart of gold.
I wish I could be more like her. I will say that she's the one of us three that never cut the apron strings. I blame her for my parents wondering why I don't come around that often. Her and I are exactly ten years apart and despite the years strangers always thought we were twins. Weirdos.
I am working on gaining a better relationship with her. She means so much to me and I will do anything to show her that. I love you Mellybell, you are so beautiful.

They say having a sister is like having a best friend around for your whole life.

Iclean4aliving aka Eileen

2008-07-14T15:08:00.000-07:00

My Mom is everything to me. I'd have to say that I'm not a whole lot like her, but I'd like to think that I inherited my kind and caring heart from her. Her and I both have felt its more of a curse than a gift but all the same, it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, right?
My sweet Mom has had her own cleaning business for 20 years now! (hence the nickname) For me it was a blessing that she ran her own business, she was able to take me to school and pick me up everyday. In the world we live in, that makes a lot of difference in a child's life. It was also fortunate for me, because I was able to help her while I was going through highschool here and there to earn an extra buck.
She also gave me my Greek temper and passion for life. Her parents are of Greek heritage, her Grandmother, my great-Grandmother also the woman I am named after (Katina), was an immigrant from Greece. Its fun during Lambros' gatherings and holidays to experience traditions and food that are out of the "norm." I love her for it. She's always teaching the kiddies silly Greek words-she always makes them laugh.
My mother has always had a nature of understanding. I can't remember a time when I haven't been able to turn to her and pour my heart out without judgement or ridicule.

Thank you for everything Mom, you'll always be my number one. I love you.

Boozehound Breezer

2008-07-11T14:31:00.000-07:00

I've decided to start a series of posts about my family members. If you notice the title and think...what the? Don't worry, I'll explain.
One thing I've always loved about my family is that we rarely call one another by name. We've got a list of nicknames for each member and I find that definately more personal. Each nickname wasn't picked from a hat, it came on its own based on the characterisitics of the person involved.
Boozehound Breezer aka Cambree is by far one of the cutest little girls in the world. Beg to differ? I'll kill you. Anyway she's four years old and full of life. From before the time she was brought into this world we've had a connection. My brother and his wife kindly asked me if they could use my middle name for their unborn daughters middle name; needless to say I was very flattered.
She has blossomed into a sweet, funny, and lovable little girl. I pray that she always views me as her 'favorite aunt' and nothing less.
She's tough enough to want to hunt with her Daddy, but girlie enough to kick ass at her dance recital. God, I love this little girl.

"Religion teaches us who we're required to love, not who we are entitled to hate."

2008-06-26T08:48:00.000-07:00

I was born into the latter day saints church, I can say that I attended this church until I was about 16 years old. While growing up in this religion, I was introduced to a set of rules to live by. They are as follows:

1. Don't drink
2. Don't watch rated R movies
3. Don't swear
4. Don't wear unmodest clothing
5. Don't have pre-marital sex
6. Don't do anything un-holy on Sundays

I'm sure I could think of some more, but those are the few that stand out to me and well, I've broken them all. Rules were meant to be broken right? No, I guess what I'm trying to say is this...because I do/have done those things, does that mean I've lost my right to earn a place in heaven? People. Please. My decisions in life have not made me someone un-holy, they have made me who I am. Even though I haven't attended a church of any religion in 6 years I am still just as spiritual if not more now, in my life. I have a great relationship with God and I am a great person.

Because the bigger part of my family still attends the LDS Church and practices its faith, I have watched it deteriorate over the years. Man has stepped in and changed what this faith was originally meant to be. I feel like the guidelines I listed above are healthy to an extent. Liquor is bad for your liver, pre-marital sex can bring bastard children into an inevitably unhappy atmosphere, rated R movies can portray violence and give sick minds, sick ideas. I get it. But the difference between following those guidelines for the greater good and following those guidelines because you've been told you'll be damned to hell if you don't is HUGE. Don't tell me that because I'm living my life and making decisions that make me happy that God will punish me. I refuse to believe that; and so should you. If you happen to encounter a judgemental soul then you have met someone who doesn't know who they are. The only way they determine what they are is by putting down who they think they shouldn't be. ..if that makes sense. True greatness to me is someone who can respect and accept others for who they are, not what you think they should be.

Religion is meant to calm the minds who fear the unknown, to give us something to believe in, to use for guidance, and to feel like we belong to something. What it is not is a way for others to belittle anyone who isn't just like them.

Live your life. Be Free. Love thy neighbor as thyself...

p.s. thanks for the quote Kyle. Love you.

Roadkill

2008-06-24T09:06:00.000-07:00

We've all seen it, we've all swurved to dodge running it over for the 18th time...

If you're like me, when you notice a carcass on the road you try your hardest to NOT look at it, but inevitably you always find your eyes creeping towards the guts spilling from this poor, defenseless animal. Nasty, I know, but we're all curious humans right?

I have often thought why the hell isn't someone assigned to come clean this shit up? Shouldn't the city be in charge of this or can't they pay someone $20.00-$50.00 (depending on the size of course) an animal to get it up off the road? Of course if that were the case then they would have to hire an appraiser to come measure the animal and evaluate the amount of stomach churning and work that would be involved...

Anywho I don't understand why it's ok that we allow these poor animals to just evaporate into thin air. That can't be good for anyone. For example...I work in a building that is attached to Hwy 89; we have had roadkill a.k.a a racoon in the middle of the road for about 3wks now. It's right in the median in my way of getting over so I can pull into our parking lot. When I first noticed it, it still looked like a cute, furry animal...that I could go pick up and hug...but slowly and well, surely it now looks like an old dirty rug, or maybe a piece of a mink coat that PETA threw out the window of a driving car.

My point is how come it's okay for us to just let these animals be ran over 23.8 times and eventually either become a piece of your car, a piece of the road, or part of our oh-so healthy breathing air? What if as humans, when we passed away they just threw us in the middle of a busy road just hoping that we'd deteriorate before next month's Cherry Days parade? But then again we don't find ourselves playing in and booking it across a busy road in hopes to make it to the other side alive. mmhhhmm, no there's something to ponder.

P.S. This can't be healthy eating for the birds. No wonder they are all so fat.

Feeling/Being Alone Sucks!

2008-06-21T23:10:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling particularly alone right now. I can't remember the last time I felt this way; I mean of course there are times when you find yourself alone-and it can be refreshing...but right now I'm just feeling simply alone. I can't help but express the sadness I'm feeling on the inside right now.
I ran into Brian, an old friend of Jon’s, and mine this evening at Wal-Mart. We see each other now and again-its always just a "Hey, how are you? How about this weather..." kind of deal. But tonight seemed somewhat different. I could tell he was flustered over something, and I too wanted to reach out and confess what I'm going through. One thing struck me as odd-he held his arms out for a hug. This is something I think we only did on the day of my wedding (he and I). Regardless we embraced and then I asked him about his life and how things were going-he said rough. Plain and simple. How ironic is it that his explanation matched mine perfectly? I replied with the same answer to the same question. I tried to dig a little bit deeper to see what was so "rough" (that's me, I'm always a helper, always concerned) but all I got from him was this "...LIFE, you know Holl? life.." He then raised his arm in front of me and made the roller coaster motion. It's amazing how one-worded answers can sometimes have the most meaning behind them. For Brian's sake I hope he gets through his "rough" patches and comes out on top.

Even seeing just one other person in distress helped me to realize that my problems and failures might not always be as bad as I make them out to be. I've always been a dramatic when my life isn't p.e.r.f.e.c.t. (Or when it’s currently on the down side of my very own personal roller coaster). Although I know I'm not the only one with problems, I'm also only focused on MY problems right now. It's so hard not to just spill my guts to anyone and everyone. I can feel myself reaching out even to those I don't see that often (Brian) or know that entirely well. What's worse is that if I were asked to spill it, I don't know that I'd even make sense. My heart aches, my body is tense, my eyes are tired, my stomach is never hungry, and god damnit my feet hurt. I'm tired of this. I want everything bad to just go away...find another home to live in because my body doesn't want to deal with it anymore. Thanks for stopping by. Ugh! Why can't it just be that easy?

I know I'm not perfect. No one is, we all must admit that we each have our own skeletons tucked away in their famous closets. I'm tired of not being given the benefit of the doubt...even though I've made my fair share of mistakes; I'm not a bad person. I will always hold my family and friends dear to my heart. (Family-most importantly...to be honest most friends suck) But even so, regardless of any decisions or mistakes any of them might make I will always support them and be there for them. I don't view it as a defect; the way I care is definitely a quality. There are times that I'm taken advantage of because of this, it hurts, but oh well life (there's that word again) goes on.

Bottom line is such. I'm ready to find my happiness. I feel it in my heart, the minor influences I have in life or something that comes along that I might want, isn't worth what I know my true happiness can be. I've been clouded for a long time now, and slowly but surely I'm beginning to see what's important. I'm still so young; I'm growing, I'm learning. I've gone through some of my first major twists and loops on this ride and even though I know there will be more up ahead and it'll be scary-I will better prepare myself. My reaction might still be the same but I will hold on a little tighter...keep my eyes shut tight and push my way through to the upright and less bumpy part of this ride of my life. Hopefully the outcome at my finish will be so fulfilling that I'll be ready to jump back on and ride it all over again.

Paraskevidekatriaphobics

2008-06-13T12:51:00.001-07:00

I've just now realized that it's "Friday the 13th." There is a part of me that so badly wants to do

something rebelious, something dangerous.

The sixth day of the week and the number 13 both have foreboding reputations said to date from ancient times, so their inevitable conjunction from one to three times a year portends more misfortune than some credulous minds can bear. It may be the most widespread superstition in the United States. Some people won't go to work on Friday the 13th; some won't eat in restaurants; many wouldn't think of setting a wedding on the date.

Paraskevidekatriaphobics-people afflicted with a morbid, irrational fear of Friday the 13th...incredible. Its comedic to me that that word and definition even exists! I fear many things but Friday the 13th is not one of them. I have always been intrigued by horror films and bumps in the night, there is something utterly exciting to me about getting worked up and scared over something that might or might not exist. There is always a risk, and with that risk you'll find excitement!

To all of you paraskevidekatriaphobic folk out there-I say this to you, relax and live a little bit on the wild side!

Impact

2008-06-13T12:51:00.000-07:00

Most of the people who have impacted my life are my family. The ones closest to me.

I can maybe name a handful, maybe, of people outside of that ring who I've made a connection with. That tells me something. I'm lucky to have such a wonderful and close family. I feel a great deal of sadness for the individuals who are unable to share beauty and love with their family members. I care. I can only hope that within my lifetime I am able to touch even just a handful, one handful of people, to make them feel as needed and as loved as I have.

I am fortunate.

My Roots

2008-05-06T13:26:00.000-07:00

As I was driving home from the store last night, the sky was lit up with orange, I could feel the sun on my skin and it's glimmer in my eyes. A feeling came over me, one I have yet to experience- I felt as if I have and would live forever. (Those of you who know me, can be positive that I have never felt this way before) My mind wandered to a few moments I have spent living, really just living.
I spend a lot of my time reflecting on my childhood. Mine, like most, consisted of elementary school which opens my mind up to numerous things like:
Monkey Bars (I was a pro at skipping two at a time)
Sand Box
Four Square
Hop Scotch
Holidays
Coloring books
Lunch Money
Lunch Ladies (Mrs. Manly-the name speaks for itself)
School shopping (buying Kleenex to contribute to the class)
Outside of school there was:
Night games
Running through the sprinklers
Barbies
Friends or Cousins (There wasn't a difference back then)
...and the list goes on and on. I could seriously go on forever. I'm sure reading my list opens up your mind to your piece of a childhood experience. Summer. Summer was golden. No school for three whole months! I remember the smell of freshly cut grass and itching uncontrollably after running around in it for hours at night, begging my Mom to let me stay just a LITTLE while longer at Melissa's house. Comparing my childhood summer to the ones I experience now opens my eyes to how different something can be when your mind set has changed along with your priorities. Some things I don't think will ever change- of course that's how you become who you are today. What was truly important back then and what stands out in your memory is certainly what's important to you now and what makes you who you are. As a young girl and especially now I love the holidays. My heart melts when Halloween hits; I love the holidays that follow. I remember my Dad was the one who took me trick-or-treating, to this day I love the smell of Thanksgiving dinner, I remember spending Christmas Eve with the Lambros side and Christmas day with the Arnell side, now it's completely different. Although where I might be is different my feelings toward the situation remain the same. I can't say if what I'm saying is understandable or if it sounds like utter madness. I can say that I am grateful for the small puzzle pieces of my life that come together and make me who I am now. Memories are small fractions of highlighted moments in your life. I'm positive that I can dig up negative ones, but it happens on rare occasion. I thank my family, at most my parents for the memories I do have. In conclusion I would like to add a couple of songs that trigger memories for me.

The Cranberries-Zombie
This reminds me of my sister Melanie and driving with her in her rad blue geo storm.
Fleetwood Mac-Dream or Landslide
This reminds me of taking drives with my Mom. We were best friends, we still are.
Metallica-One
Nate, my brother, rocking this tune on his guitar. Metallica period reminds me of Nate as a teenager.
Right Said Fred-I'm too Sexy
This reminds me of a time when Michelle (before she was my sister-in-law) babysat me.
Depeche Mode-Violator
Kirk (my brother-in-law) buying me this album for Christmas.
Reba Mcintire-Studio Album
The whole album reminds me of driving up to our family cabin in Alpine, Wyoming with my parents. I miss that place so much.
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers-Free Fallin
A time at Lake Powell when just our immediate family went and my siblings and their spouses cranked this song to ward off our party neighbors.
Tim McGraw-My Little Girl
When my Dad and I had our first dance at my wedding. I love you Dad.

I feel lucky to have lived the way I have, and at the rate I'm going I do feel like I could live forever.

P.S. Recognize the small things in life. Sometimes those are the most important.

Getting Started

2008-04-21T10:53:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how I really feel about an "internet diary" but I'll give it a try, my thoughts need to go somewhere.

If you asked me where my thoughts were today, I'd have to tell you on friends. I recently had a "falling out" if you can call it that with a friend that I've had for oh, let's say nine years. She and I never really had a stable friendship, and as I look back on it now it seemed as if I was always chasing her in order to become a "bigger" part of her life. Doesn't really seem worth it does it? Well, it wasn't.

When I look up the definition of a friend and or friendship I repeatedly see these terms:
1. Companionship
2. Devotion
3. Affection
4. Consideration
5. Appreciation
6. Sincerity
7. Understanding
8. Warmth
The one that really pops out for me is devotion. I can honestly say that I was devoted to the friendship we shared between one another. In good times and bad I found myself there for her no matter what the situation and no matter how much it put me out. I can't say the same for her. The reasoning behind our "falling out" is this, the past four months I have been unable to reach her in times of need or just at all. With all the technology surrounding us I have tried numerous routes-calling, texting, emailing, I've even called her place of employment. Nothing. I have not once gotten a reply or even the slightest acknowledgement for my efforts at trying to contact her. I've gone through all the emotions at first I let it slide, she's a catering director, she's busy-second I started worrying had I done something? After racking my brain and realizing that the last time we had spoken were on wonderful terms I found myself hurt. Just simply and really hurt. Questions arise for me, how can someone so easily throw friendship away? Here she has someone right at her fingertips who wants to be her friend, a good friend, at no cost to her. How can someone be so heartless? I would never turn my back on anyone who gave it their all to be my friend, for whatever reason it may be if you find an interest in me I'm going to be there.

In conclusion I have finally reached anger. My last emotion. The anger I feel has allowed me to give up on her and to give up easily. I am done chasing and begging for friendship. I have been given the final straw and I just can't possibly put up with anymore. I am just hoping that there are others out there who share my same quality. I hope it isn't something that has been forgotten. Friendship is a gift, not something that can be obtained. Cherish your true friendships, for they are a gift from God.